the struggle is real

Psalm 141:3-4a, "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.  Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil..."

Perhaps the most awkward faculty meeting I've ever been to.  Thirteen of the most AWESOME coworkers sitting in a circle.  The topic of conversation-gossip.  The toxicity of it all clearly visible through tears, hurt and then reconciliation.  

A few people were called out, but I would venture to bet EVERY SINGLE person in that room was guilty. I count myself among them.  The very same morning, I had to apologize to three people for doing this very same thing.  Had to as in convicted by the Holy Spirit all night prior.  It is such an ugly beast.  And I can't say well, "my gossiping wasn't THAT bad"  It's ALL that bad.  

I need to ask God daily to guard my mouth.  Ugh, this silly flesh that even wants to be a part of it.  But, even typing this I realize that the words need to be stopped when they are still thoughts.  Beyond guarding my mouth, I need to guard my thoughts.  

This struggle presents itself in me right now as I am SO ANGRY with someone at the moment, and the Bible says that when I am angry it is just as bad as murder.  Phew...and I'm tellin' ya, I cannot find my way out of this anger right now.

The similarities just struck me.  The sin struggle that presents...the gossip, the anger is just an outward manifestation of head and heart issues.

David prayed for help from God for this.  And I do and will, also.  It will not be easy.  It will not be quick.  It will be a daily prayer to die to my flesh and walk the walk, not just talk the talk of who I say I am.  Gossip does not bring honor to God, neither does my anger.   Time to get off the struggle bus.