#goals

Psalm 131:1, "My heart is not proud, O Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.  

Truth be told...I do everyone of these things.  

Proud?  Dr. Constable defined pride as "essentially a belief that one does not need God, but is self-sufficient." Check.  I had put most things in my life above God...kids, husband, self, job and had the mirage that I had some great control over it and even worse:  that I had it under control.

Haughty eyes?    Yep...sadly so...even just yesterday...IN CHURCH.  Dr. Constable explains that haughty eyes betray our pride with eyes that look down on people with a feeling of superiority.  It was during worship and I was in the zone, in my sweet, sweet space that I love, and a couple came in late.  They tapped me...zone gone, sweet spot gone...to get by me.  And instead of being welcoming in the moment my mind goes to "They are so selfish and attention seeking to walk in late and disrupt people...ME.  I got here early and set this whole experience up for me.  Why can't you get it together and get here on time?"  Thankfully, I recognized it and had to "switch the tape" and realized that I have NO idea of the circumstances that made them late that morning, no idea of what God had in store for them to hear that morning that drew them in to church and be grateful that they persisted in whatever circumstances to get there.  And God is not afraid to use a little salt in to make sure you get a lesson sometimes :).  Turns out during the introvert's nightmare of "meet and greet" that he was a lovely man that had just been coming to the church for a little over a year with 3 teenage/tweenage kids (this alone should cause any parent to start praying for this couple!)

Concerning myself with great matters (or as The Message put it:  meddling where I have no business)?  Guilty again.  I often put my nose where it does not belong or hasn't been asked.  And if I'm being honest, most of the time it is to get some morsel of gossip that doesn't concern me yet entices me.  

Concern myself with things too wonderful for me?  (The Message put it as fantasizing grandiose plans).  When I was at my unhappiest, I had a deep fantasy life I used to escape.  BUT, when I was at my unhappiest, not uncoincidentally, I was also very far from the Lord.  

Like I said #goals.  The great thing is 1) God redeemed me; 2) God never left me; 3) God forgave me, forgives me and is not surprise by any of this in the broken flesh that I live in.  

I get up every morning and remember Lamentations 3:22-23, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."  And I ask God to do in me all the things I cannot do on my own:  give me a humble heart, give me His eyes and focus on Him and what He has set before me and let Him take care of the rest.  Back in the zone.